Is Kindness Dead?

"Really?"

"You're Kiddin'?"

"Me!?"

Among other puzzled inquiries, these were the things I heard yesterday as I joined a good friend and great organization (Team Red, White & Blue - check 'em out at www.teamrwb.org) for a few hours to hand out cups of water to runners on Kelly Drive this morning.  There was no race, walk, regatta or other event tied to the cause, just a few people with a table, a couple of gallons of water and a lot of smiles.  I can't take the credit for the idea, but boy was it a great one.  When Melissa invited me to  take part in the morning's random act of kindness I was completely jazzed, however unprepared for the response that would follow.  

People were stunned.

It saddens me that random acts of kindness are so surprising.  Its easy to infer that people are so taken aback by such acts because they just don't come around as often as they should.  Are random acts of kindness following in the footsteps of chivalry?  Or do we just not acknowledge them often enough?  

Now, I will be the first to acknowledge that performing random acts of kindness is not intended to be recognized.  In fact, it's often sweeter when it's not, but you would expect that people wouldn't be so surprised when they encountered an act of gratitude.  I was fully expecting people to be able to share their own stories of something similar.  Instead people had a really hard time digesting that we were really just giving out water to runners, walkers and those enjoying time on the Kelly Drive path.  

So this brings me back to my initial question:  is kindness dead, or could it be evolving into a less appreciated form? You'll often hear men talk about how they understand chivalry and they attempt to practice it's courteous actions, however it goes unnoticed and unappreciated by today's female.  Today's dating world is a topic for another blog, but women are all too often outwardly exerting strength and independence which leaves men opening fewer doors because "she can do it herself".  So, men ask, "why try?" or better yet, "why waste the time?"  I think the same equates to kindness.  Society is moving at such a rapid pace and often only interested in what gets them through the day.  People are so determined that they don't need other's help which also extends into the random acts of kindness.  We are so focused on becoming independent and self-sustaining that we've become suspicious of those who simply stand outside and offer water to a couple of runners.  We could be on the brink of dehydration in the middle of the desert and still contemplating whether to take this cup of water from the stranger offering.  If kindness weren't a dwindling characteristic, people wouldn't feel the need to be so weary of those who are trying to keep it's positive energy alive.  

Speaking of positive energy, as selfish as it is, random acts of kindness make me feel so good.  With every grateful face and every 'thank you', that warm, fuzzy feeling grew like the Grinch's heart.  Let's face it, kindness is addicting.  Gratitude is infectious.  With one thank you, you want another.  There is an element of kindness to others that serves to make one's self feel just that much better.  And you know what, I think that's okay.  It's worth it when you think about how much that kindness can multiply if every person pays it forward to the next and so forth.  

So I say, go for it.  Buy the person behind you coffee.  Help to pick up those papers that your co-worker dropped while rushing to a meeting.  Hand out hot coffee to workers that are starting to get chilly during their outdoor day job.  I promise you that you'll feel wonderful, the other person(s) will appreciate the kindness and maybe, just maybe, we can rejuvenate a community that does for each other without hesitation.

Gratuitous, Unrelated Post

So, if you've ever read the magazine Us Weekly, you've read the portion where stars show us what's in their bag [purse].  Recently at work, we've decided to get rid of the celebrities and divulge what's in our own bags.  Below details what I found when I went digging through my daily tote.

Disclaimer:  What's shown below in my bag is a bit edited.  What you don't see are the various pieces of mail that are stashed away since I typically pick up my mail as I'm on my way into or out of the house, which results in stuffing it into my bag.

That said, there is no shortage of [random] things in my bag.  In a recent excursion to Boston, I found this brand new Kate Spade tote in a secondhand store.  SUCH. A. FIND!!  It holds everything, including my laptop and makes for a perfect bag.  Inside I keep an over-sized clutch that holds my wallet, keys, sunglasses, a Neutrogena tinted lip gloss and a nude nail polish (because you just never know...)  Now is probably the time to admit that during this process, I found my bag to be embarrassingly full of things that should never be in someone's bag.  Enter exhibit A:  an industrial exact-o knife.  For my anniversary with my boyfriend, I decided to make a frame of two people cut out of the maps (also in my bag) that represent our home states - Pennsylvania and New Jersey.  Thank you, Pinterest.  However, our anniversary was September 1st and I'm still carrying it in my bag.....unfinished.  Maybe next year.    Face wipes - every runners necessity, allergy medicine, a notebook, a perfect travel sized pen and an umbrella round out the necessities in my bag.  Due to the recent Back on My Feet Annual Bash, I'm still carrying around about 100 invitations to that, too.  And, because you never know when you need a Quotable Card, I'm equipped with that as well. 

This was such a fun and quite interesting exercise!  Now I'm off to the doctor because my shoulder hurts from carrying this nonsense everywhere!! 

The Beatles and Birthdays

Recently I had a birthday.  Nothing special as far as ages go, except as one friend pointed out: "I won't be able to divide my birthday by 11 again for another few years".  So, as I stated, nothing special as ages go.  But just as each year that passes makes birthdays less exciting, each year that passes makes birthdays more special.  The build up that occurred in your teens and twenties really loses it's flair in your thirties.  There's no countdown to midnight so that you can hit the bars for a billion and two shots.  There's no lamenting with friends about how life is over at 25.  The day comes along with a change in digits on the race entries, and the day goes.  And as much as that is true, it's totally not true.  

Each year I find that the special things that my friends and family, namely Heather and my mom for the past ten years, do for me leave even more of a mark on my heart.  Every year Heather surprises me with something - a cupcake happy hour at Whole Foods, a dinner with friends, a light show in Logan Square to name just a few.  I remember each little thing as if it were yesterday.  The older you become, the more you realize that it's the people in your life, not the places or the cost or the extravaganza.  Even those who only remember because Facebook reminds them have taken the time to post on your wall.  The text messages, the cards, the phone calls and the simple 140 character tweets all remind me of the different phases of my life and how much they have shaped me to be the person that I am today.  Life passes so quickly. I can't believe that I'm thirty-three already.  Then I look back at my life as a teenager, and how I draw from my parents lessons to this day.  (...I also draw from my learned ability to sneak alcohol into a water bottle...).  Life in your twenties seemed difficult, but I met my best friend then and can't imagine my life without her.  I moved out of my comfort zone more than once, and learned much about myself, my life and the kind of person that I want to be.  I had my heart broken, my heart warmed and found a way to pick myself up again more than once.  Each and every time life threw a curve ball, I've been able to look back at the hard learned lesson that I can take forward.  I think about my relationships in the my twenties.  Sheesh.  What was I thinking??  I fell in love three times..  They are all good people, but they weren't the wonderful one for me.  I look back on each relationship and can tell you what I learned from it - what I realized for the next time that I need to be successful in a loving relationship.  I thank all of them for that (...not so much for the heartbreak that accompanied).  I rocketed into my thirties and have found love and strength from the first 30 years, as well as the amazing folks at Back on My Feet who have not only inspired me but have befriended me, even when it's 5:30AM and I haven't brushed my hair let alone my teeth.  My steps to date have led me to an amazing man who brings all of the things that I was looking for in prior relationships and loves me just the same.  We have our flaws, but every aspect of my life has had minor bumps, breaks and blemishes  The past three decades have enabled me to be closer with my mother, my father and my brother.  They made me what I hope is a better friend to those around me and a better colleague at work.  

Lucky for me, my life is full of love.  The Beatles said that 'all you need is love', and you know what, I believe it.  If you love people, they love you back; if you love your life, it will produce the great things that you ask of it; if you love yourself, things will ultimately be easier in the long run (maybe not the Saturday morning miles kind of long run...).  Love positions us to be everything that we've ever expected out of life and a whole lot more.  I don't really LOVE being thirty-three, but I love everything that got me here and will eventually settle into loving what this year brings me too.

Until then, happy birthday to me (and Sophia Loren and Amina Wirjosemito.)