New Years Resolutions...From My Toddler

I was lucky enough to be able to ring in 2017 with friends and family on Kiawah Island, relaxing and venturing just slightly north to explore Charleston [and numerous wine & spirits establishments...].  We left Kiawah feeling rested and ready to take on the twelve months ahead, resolutions in hand.  Most people use resolutions as a opportunity to change behavior or adopt new habits, and my toddler is no exception.  Below I've offered to write down his 2017 resolutions in which he has already actively pursuing:  

1.  Expand Vocabulary

Mom and dad seem to have an extensive vocabulary (you know, compared to my friends), but sometimes they get really excited when saying things.  I'm pretty sure they would get excited if I said them too, and I think that I can as they seem to be pretty short words.  As it stands, they seem to be pleased when I can repeat things when they ask; just think how happy they will be when I can repeat things and they don't even have to ask!

2.  Clean Eating

Nope, I'm not giving up carbs and sugar.  Who gives up bread?  In 2017, I'm ditching the high chair and will eat all meals off of my parents clean floor or clean sofa.  I will ensure that it has JUST been cleaned prior to putting my cheesy fingers or piece of chicken down.

3.  Get Vision Checked

..and by vision, I mean night vision.  I can't believe that I've been spending my nights sleeping.  In 2017, I'm going to focus on ensuring that I can see in the darkness, and just for a witness, I'll make sure that I call for mom and/or dad.  I'm certain that they will be impressed with my vision, day OR night!

4.  Fitness, Fitness, Fitness

Learning how to run was SO 2016.  But that doesn't mean that I can lose focus on my fitness goals.  In 2017 I'm taking up climbing (not just rocks..) and will be working with my Papa (former collegiate baseball player) to refine my throwing abilities.  Its good for my arm strength and good for my dad's reflexes.  Win-win.

 5.  Efficiency

It is imperative that I learn which remote works which device so that I won't need to throw that massive tantrum when mom or dad tries to take it away.  If I can just pick the right one the first time, I can cause my required disruption AND spare myself from having to drop down on the floor kicking and screaming.  If you think for one minute that I enjoy banging my head on the ground, you're wrong.  Well, unless you tell me not to, and then I just have to do it....

So while your mantra may include "new year, new me", his are certainly more of a "new day, new reason to challenge life for those around me". Happy 2017, ya'll.  Here's to being the best spouse, partner, employee, friend, and/or self that you can be, and loving those around you despite their obvious challenges!

First Time Mom or First Time Mistake?

Some nights the Peanut puts himself to bed.  On the really good nights, he picks up his blanket and his gaggle of stuffed animals and heads into his bedroom.  Other nights, he falls asleep during story time and can peacefully be transferred to his crib.  And then there are nights where we've reached the witching hour and his father and I need to take him to bed, semi-against his will.  

This past Sunday, we found ourselves counting down for him "10 more minutes until bedtime"...."5 more minutes until bedtime"....as if I thought that made a difference to him...  Alas, I scooped him up, fully against his will, stood next to his crib and sang him two rounds of lullabies.  He peacefully drifted to sleep on my shoulder to the last few stanzas of 'Hush Little Baby', but just as I smiled to myself at his sweet, sleeping face and tried to place him into the crib he awoke desperately crying for Mama.  I attempted to soothe him with his pacifier and his blankie, his stuffed dogs....the big one and the little one, and with a little more out-of-tune humming.  Nothing; the tears flowed on.  This wasn't his whiny, sleepy, "I just don't want to go to bed" cry.  It was a full on, clear desperation, tears included crying.  I continued to rub his back as he stood at the edge of the crib gripping a piece of my shirt.  Now, like most moms and dads, I try to stick to a schedule.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, naps, bedtime, etc - all on a schedule.  So, you can imagine the thoughts running through my head as I looked down at my little guy, who had pulled his blankie up as a makeshift pillow on the edge of the crib so that he may continue to be close to me.  

"If i pick him up, he'll make a habit of this"

"I can't disrupt the routine"

"He'll settle down if I'm quiet"

But as I looked down at my little guy again, the tears nearly dropped on his head.  My tears.  He was looking to be soothed by his Mama and I was caught up in schedules and regiment.  So with a deep breath, I scooped up my Peanut and found a dark, quiet place for us on the sofa next to his dad.  He was nearly instantly asleep in my arms, just needing a bit of Mama's love to soothe whatever was between Dreamland and him.  I held him for 30 minutes before placing him down in his crib peacefully, nearly 90 minutes past bedtime to sleep like a baby for the rest of the night.  

The moral of the story is that schedules don't replace our children's needs.  We can't schedule time for baths and time for stories and time for bed and assume that it will always go to plan.  Shoot, I can't remember a day in my own life that went exactly to plan.  However, as a first time mom, it's so hard to know what the right decision is and whether it is the right decision in that exact situation.  So while I questioned whether taking my son out of bed for a little more time was a mistake, what I know for sure is that his happiness is my utmost priority.  And NOW I know that sometimes you break your own rules to make that happen.

Internet 1, Me 0

Well, not really zero; that's more reflective of my bank account at this point.  

Last week was literally www.insane.com.  It kicked off with Cyber Monday.  Now, I'm signed up for every newsletter and mailing list on the planet, but I COULD NOT believe how many Cyber Monday emails landed in my inbox.  Whoever created Cyber Monday is a marketing genius.  They have somehow figured out how to create such a desire to have everything.  I mean, it's 40% (or 30% or 60% or god forbid, 70%) off!!  How could I pass this up??  It started so purposefully with holiday shopping for others.  Next thing I knew, I was in the "one for you, one for me" mode.  By the end, I'm not sure I was even LOOKING for gifts for other people!  JCrew skirts for $35.00; Lucy leggings for $50....must.buy.everything!!  By the afternoon, I nearly had a Cyber hangover.  The ironic part is that there are a few Christmas gifts that I really should have sought out and purchased on Monday, but did not even consider it.  The entire event creates such a tizzy that I was barely thinking clearly!  Now I'm just waiting for my purchases arrive.  That's the downside of internet shopping: 5-7 day shipping (but it was FREE!)

I woke up Tuesday a little bit poorer, but excited to spend the day highlighting organizations that are prominent in my life for Giving Tuesday.  There are so many amazing non-profit organizations and small businesses that work diligently to ensure that they can continue the community impact that they strive towards.  I've listed a few here that I happen to love:

1.  The obvious:  Back on My Feet

I've written about BoMF in prior posts. Back on My Feet uses running and community to motivate and support individuals every step of the way from homelessness to independence. Success is not just measured in miles run or walked but in increased health, education, employment and housing.  I just love how many opportunities there are to give to the organization in meaningful ways, not just in monetary donation.  Volunteers can join Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning runs at 5:30AM at various locations throughout the city of Philadelphia (or another 11 BoMF locations nationwide); fundRACERS can raise funds for Back on My Feet through races such as the Broad Street Run or Philadelphia Marathon; runners and walkers can contribute by signing up for the Back on My Feet 5-miler in Philadelphia at the end of March.  The avenues are endless, and the return is even greater: every dollar invested in Back on My Feet returns $2.50 to the local community.  

2.  Water For People 

Another organization that has set out to change the cycle of poverty.  Water for People is an international non-profit working to bring safe water and sanitation to people in nine countries.  Did you know that 1.8 billion people lack access to safe water?  These people are no stranger to walking nearly four hours a day to access usable water.  Partnering with Water for People, communities are looking to give that time back to women and children in order to further education and increase health standards.  I love the partnership with the communities that are served; these things only work when everyone is committed and everyone is accountable.  If you're looking to get more involved with Water for People, you have a number of avenues from corporate partnership to volunteering.  

3. Any and every college and university

For me, The Pennsylvania State University.  For my husband, Seton Hall.  For my friends, Scranton University, Lehigh University, Lafayette College, University of Massachusetts.  You name it, it's worthy.  Consider giving to your major, your college, your athletic fund or a memorial gift.  Even small donations help in education.

4. Girls, Inc

We can all get behind the empowerment of today's youth, right?  Girls, Inc is a North American non-profit focusing on providing life changing experiences and solutions to the unique challenges that girls face.  As an HR Business Partner for a technology organization, I love that Girls, Inc has a strong STEM program that encourages girls to explore math, science and technology from a young age.  It isn't just academics, however, and put emphasis on sports participation and education around violence prevention, pregnancy and economic literacy.  Girls, Inc is truly building our leaders of tomorrow, and showing young girls that they have an equal opportunity to be that leader.  

5. Friends of Waring 

To round out my top five organizations for Giving Tuesday, I'd call your attention to Friends of Waring.  As a city dweller and recent parent, we are constantly fielding the question of whether we will pack up the Peanut and move into the suburbs when he is of school age.  Our answer remains vehemently 'NO'.  Living in Philadelphia affords our son so much more by way of culture and experience than he would receive if we lived elsewhere; it's an easy walk to the zoo or the Franklin Institute, a quick trip to Smith Playground and acres upon acres of Fairmount Park for him to run and play.  I couldn't imagine living anywhere else at this point.  I firmly believe that successful education is a combination of caring teachers and dedicated community.  With the exception of a few, teachers are committed to the development of their students regardless of the neighborhood or location.  However, it's often a resources issue that prevents them from providing all that they would hope in order to enable the greatest success from students.  Schools, especially inner city schools, need help. Parents, neighbors, friends, able and willing professionals:  give to your schools.  The commitment will pay off for the community, the teachers, the school and most importantly, the future of our youth.  

I'm certain that there are thousands of other organizations that were the focus of your Giving Tuesday.   I think that we can all agree that to give is really to receive.  Let's make more days "Giving Tuesday" and watch these organization and our communities flourish.  

Only 19 days until Christmas!  'Tis the season for giving!

Election Hangover

It's safe to say that the results of the 2016 Presidential Election did not go as I had hoped.  Frankly, it hadn't even crossed my mind that things would go the way that they did, and as decisively as they did.  I mean, shouldn't the President-elect be someone with political experience, military experience and/or a platform that includes specific plans for change?  Alas, I was wrong.  (And that doesn't happen often, just ask my husband...)

It's been a week since the election and I feel like I've worked through the five stages of grief the best way that I am going to, with my own emotional twist on them.

First up: Denial.

It's not just a river in Egypt, folks.  This one may or may not still be lingering around (see above paragraph).  The "How could this have happened?!" and the "RIGGED!" - I kid, I kid - thoughts have run rampant for the past seven days.  It's hard to accept that the visions that I had all but made reality were no longer viable: the continued refinement of Obamacare, the direct and forceful push on the glass ceiling, the focus on education....I could go on and on.  ::Sigh:: Hand me the bubbly.  

Next: Anger

I'm pretty good at this one. (Again, you could likely consult my husband...)  The thought that enough of this country chose to support a candidate who has thrown hate terms and phrases around like they were normal makes me livid.  If the list of people that haven't been insulted is shorter than the list of those who have, you should reconsider communication.  ::end rant::


The Fall Out Step: Depression

Towards the end of the week last week, I found myself in a rather emotional place.  The anger hadn't subsided but had found less space in my mind.  I was still trying to comprehend what had happened and constantly perusing blog posts to find ones that concisely articulated how I had been feeling as I was having difficulty putting it into words.  I was tearful in conversation and sentimental when I would look at the naivete that my son can enjoy for a few more years.  I can't even fathom having to explain this to him.  We're raising him to be polite, kind, thoughtful and inclusive of all people yet the newly elected leader of the free world isn't held to these same standards.  Or, as the case may be, standards at all.   


Step Four: Acceptance

Skip.  I can't actually say that I'm here yet.  I can safely say that I won't riot and I won't belittle those with different views, but acceptance is a big step.  I'll check back in when this one happens.

Last, but Certainly Not Least: Action

The best way to counter hate and lack of acceptance is to ensure that your own circle isn't feeling them.  Reach out to friends and into the community.  Being a part of the community has always been a big part of my life.  It brings a balance and perspective that may not otherwise be experienced.  For the past number of years, I've volunteered with an organization called Back on My Feet, and currently sit on the Advisory Board.  It's safe to say that I've remained involved since my orientation in 2009, however it's now clear to me that I need to take steps to get even closer again.  I need to dive back into the hope that comes from being a part of community change.  

If you're still finding your way through this despondency, try to look around for the places where you can impact the change that we were hoping for.  Can you be a safe place for a friend, or a group of friends?  Can you give to your community in a way that helps to become a better place?  Can you be a voice for those who are still trying to find their voice?A hangover feels different for us all, but the effects will fade with time and you'll be back in fighting shape.  Change is on the horizon; we'll just need to find an amended path there.

My First Time

No no, not that.  Come on now, it's Election Day!

I stand before you admitting that today was my first vote.  I know what you're thinking:  "It's your civic duty" and "Our ancestors fought long and hard for the right to vote".  Look, I've heard them all but until this year, I was confident that our country could manage through whatever decision may result.  I'm not political by nature and and without a strong opinion, it wasn't something that I prioritized.  

This year is certainly different.  

Some may say that it's because I've had a child and I'm thinking more about the future now - his future - but I don't think that's the driver.  As it stands, I often believe that my toddler more closely aligns with Trump in his joy of tantrums and mutual need for an super hold hairspray.  

Others may assume that I'm simply trying to be a part of history by voting for the first woman to be nominated by a major party.  While this historic moment is amazing (AH-MAZ-ING!!), it would never be the sole motivator to head out to the polls.  

I voted today because I'm ready to be part of the conversation, part of the solution.  We're a society that has literally divided over views, opinions, judgment and choice.  Not only is it my choice to vote, but it's my choice to select a candidate that is right for me and my future. For the past number of months, this society has torn each other down for making that choice as it may not align with those around them.  The hate filled speech and the unwillingness to HEAR each other has become the norm, and when the norm is unacceptable you fight for change.  

At the end of the day, my choice to vote for Hillary Clinton is a confident decision that the conversation remains open to all voices, regardless of race, gender, age or socio-economic status.  It's going to be a long road, folks, as change doesn't happen overnight, but I can hope that tonight's results show that we're on the right path.  Until that time, take care to understand your fellow Americans and the fears that drive their decisions, speak WITH them rather than AT them and make this country what everyone wants it to be.  You may not be feeling that it's a great place to be, but if you look around with open minds, it's a pretty great opportunity.  

So if you haven't yet, make your way to the polls and vote for what's important to you.  Whether it's your first step into the booth or you're an old pro, not only find your way there but find yourself open to those your meet along the way.  

Wow, I'm Out of Touch

Thankfully, not with reality.  Well, at least most of the time.

To look back at my blog, I posted my last entry nearly nineteen months ago.  At that time I was closing in on the final month of my pregnancy with my little Peanut.  The fear was in full effect that I was about to become a mom, step away from my job for almost four months for maternity leave when I had barely taken a week of vacation at any one time in my career, and the unsolicited advice of "your life as you know it is over" was rolling in faster than the fog in Northern Ireland.  I wasn't quite sure at that time what change looked like.  Were we going to be so sleepless and exhausted that the baby would be walking before I got my arms around life?  Would the little guy be so unmanageable that I wouldn't leave the house any longer?  Or could change reflect brilliant, positive steps in a life forward with my new plus one family?  

I quickly learned a few things about my new life:

• Sleepless comes in waves but it doesn't feel so bad when you forget about the clock and get lost in that little baby face that wakes up hangry
• Bottles are like Gremlins and multiply in water
• A baby fever is counter-intuitive.  When your baby fever reaches 100'...101'...102', don't fret.  Worry over 102', and up to 105'.  Crazy, but true
• Wearing a shirt covered in spit-up phases you less and less as the days go by
• Blow Out no longer refers to going to the hair stylist or turning a year older
• You don't really realize how much your life has changed until you have enough time behind you to reflect

Looking back, the worries of a new parent are abundant and while they are never irrational, they are often stresses that a new parent just doesn't need. My son was the last to crawl and one of the last in his class to start walking.  A good friend and experienced parent said to me (paraphrased because I'm a tired parent...), "It's not like he'll be in college and still not walking.  It will happen when it will happen".  She couldn't have been more right.  Babies develop at their own pace and the best we can do is encourage, assist and most importantly, not own that process for our children.  

This past weekend, my husband and I took the Peanut out to the Wissahickon trails for a run during one of the last nice weekends we are going to see before winter.  As we closed out our run, a memory of doing a very similar run as the little guy neared six months old jogged my mind.  I smiled thinking of how much has changed since that day.  That day I feared that we'd never find a regular rhythm in our lives, running or otherwise, again.  On this Sunday, I smiled as we popped the stroller out of the trunk, played in the leaves, traveled with nearly 1/3 of the things that we considered 'must haves' nearly a year ago and enjoyed a few hours of exposing our son to one of the things that his dad and I love - running.  I can only hope that we can continue to foster his loves and his passions as he continues to grow.  And while parenting will never be easy, it does get more normal.  If you're currently feeling the panic of losing yourself, your mind or your passions, just hang on.  It does come back, but luckily it comes back with more purpose and the ability to share it with those you love.

Wissahickon Run 2015

Wissahickon Run 2016

Everything I learned about pregnancy, I read on the internet

...or from being pregnant. Or a combination of both. 

I've finally found some time to write on our short babymoon getaway to Boston. I'm five weeks from baby Lynch's due date and while my pregnancy has been relatively smooth, there are some things that I could not have planned for. 

Fear. The first number of weeks are scary. Despite not confirming pregnancy until 15 weeks, I spent the next number of weeks terrified that I would do something to harm the baby. I was active, but was I being too active?  I would forget my prenatal vitamins - is the baby getting enough nutrients? News flash: babies are resilient little creatures, even while still completely dependent on the mother. It was nearly 23 weeks before I recognized the baby's movements and was finally able to breathe a little as he and I adjusted to a regular schedule when I could expect to bond with him over his active times.

Lesson(s) Learned: Those articles that say you will feel they baby move at 14, 18, 20, whatever number of weeks are wrong. Everything happens at such different times for different moms. While there will always be fear throughout the prenancy, have some patience that your body and baby will tell you what you need to know when they are ready. 

Body consciousness. Sure, we all know that with pregnancy comes weight gain. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional toll that continued weight gain would have on my self confidence and emotional state. "Weight gain means a healthy baby", they say. It makes plenty of logical sense on the surface, but it doesn't compensate for the emotional discomfort that accompanies the gradual creeping number on the scale. I've experienced nightmares on top of the obvious growing out of clothes that fit as recently as days ago. The body changes have been tough for me. The declining intensity of workouts didn't help, either. Contrary to what I had convinced myself, my running ceased around 30 weeks and has been replaced by long walks. My ability for a vinyasa yoga class has transitioned to a less intense prenatal yoga. It's a lifestyle that I'm not used to, and lacks the usual emotional outlet that I'm used to.

Lesson(s) Learned: Weight gain IS natural, and doing the best you can to stay in shape is really enough. Talking about it works for me. It doesn't change the discomfort with my very different body, but acknowledging that the feelings exist at least helps to deal with them. And franky, those long walks with Joe have been some of the best pre-baby times. A blessing in disguise really. 

Acid Reflux.  Two horrible words that no one can prepare for. Never in my life had I experienced heartburn or acid reflux prior to my 20th week in pregnancy. And then, watch out. Tums, Zantac, sleeping while sitting up, nausea....  Oh my. I've tried to describe it to people as the worst morning after a binge drinking and throwing up fest ever. The burn in the back of the throat, the horrible taste, the inability to get comfortable and the sporadic nature of it all are the worst. It will wake me in the middle of the night on the brink of throwing up. Not cool. I tried every home remedy that I could find: chewing gum, sipping water, eating crackers, you name it (well, except drinking aloe Vera juice) before succumbing to Zantac. 

Lesson(s) Learned: Listen to your body closely. You are able to establish your triggers and really cut back on the misery (and need for daily Zantac). For me it is tomato based products and chocolate. If I avoid, I'm all set. Though, avoiding chocolate during pregnancy is worse than having a puking hangover, frankly. Also, if you do wake up and throw up everywhere in bed, make sure to tell your partner quickly. Like, before he puts his hand in it trying to help you. Whoops!

Deepening my relationship. Just like every couple, Joe and I have hand our relationship hiccups. We've fought, laughed, debated and simply loved. Though what I wasn't prepared for was the amount my love would increase as we fumbled through pregnancy together. Our fights have been minimal and for the most part rational. Our time together has been spent truly enjoying our final weeks together before we become a family of three. I'm very blessed to have a partner that is so involved and loving through the roller coaster that is pregnancy. I have enjoyed these months with him immensely, watching him become a father even before Baby Lynch arrives. I can't help but smile as he talks about or to our child and the love we share over someone that we haven't even met yet. Lots of men create children but not all men become amazing fathers. I'm lucky to have found the latter. 

Lesson(s) Learned: Enjoy the time together. It's inevitably scary for both parties despite only being physically uncomfortable for one. Enjoy the walks, the talks, the planning, the appointments, and the calamity of emotions that you both share. Assuming you're a couple for a reason - because you share common understanding and values - you'll realize just how much of the same fears and anticipation that you're sharing too. Soon your lives will change forever, and you won't be able to get those days of just the two of you back. Make them count while you still can. 

Weird Physical Ailments. As I've said previously, I haven't dealt with many challenges over the last 8 months. However, there have been minor annoyances. I've developed a bit of carpal tunnel over the last few weeks that is just present enough to be a nuisance. It has caused minor numbness in the tips of two fingers on my dominant hand, and word is that it won't go away until delivery. I've also found that my ankles don't swell but my feet do. Some days it's enough to not fit into my shoes. I've worn compression socks when I can, and that does help a bit, but doesn't eliminate the problem altogether. And my favorite, snoring. With the bit of weight gain, I've taken up the new habit of snoring. Joe just loves it. Can't get enough. (read: sarcasm). I can only hope it also goes away after delivery. I've tried Breathe Right strips and differ sleeping positions but nothing seems to help. It even wakes me up!   ::sigh::

All in all, it's easy to get caught up in the above but in reality the process isn't so bad. There are very wonderful moments that counter those that make you pray for the 40th week. Being a mother is one of my dreams, and I'm very lucky to be able to do so with relative ease.