Election Hangover

It's safe to say that the results of the 2016 Presidential Election did not go as I had hoped.  Frankly, it hadn't even crossed my mind that things would go the way that they did, and as decisively as they did.  I mean, shouldn't the President-elect be someone with political experience, military experience and/or a platform that includes specific plans for change?  Alas, I was wrong.  (And that doesn't happen often, just ask my husband...)

It's been a week since the election and I feel like I've worked through the five stages of grief the best way that I am going to, with my own emotional twist on them.

First up: Denial.

It's not just a river in Egypt, folks.  This one may or may not still be lingering around (see above paragraph).  The "How could this have happened?!" and the "RIGGED!" - I kid, I kid - thoughts have run rampant for the past seven days.  It's hard to accept that the visions that I had all but made reality were no longer viable: the continued refinement of Obamacare, the direct and forceful push on the glass ceiling, the focus on education....I could go on and on.  ::Sigh:: Hand me the bubbly.  

Next: Anger

I'm pretty good at this one. (Again, you could likely consult my husband...)  The thought that enough of this country chose to support a candidate who has thrown hate terms and phrases around like they were normal makes me livid.  If the list of people that haven't been insulted is shorter than the list of those who have, you should reconsider communication.  ::end rant::


The Fall Out Step: Depression

Towards the end of the week last week, I found myself in a rather emotional place.  The anger hadn't subsided but had found less space in my mind.  I was still trying to comprehend what had happened and constantly perusing blog posts to find ones that concisely articulated how I had been feeling as I was having difficulty putting it into words.  I was tearful in conversation and sentimental when I would look at the naivete that my son can enjoy for a few more years.  I can't even fathom having to explain this to him.  We're raising him to be polite, kind, thoughtful and inclusive of all people yet the newly elected leader of the free world isn't held to these same standards.  Or, as the case may be, standards at all.   


Step Four: Acceptance

Skip.  I can't actually say that I'm here yet.  I can safely say that I won't riot and I won't belittle those with different views, but acceptance is a big step.  I'll check back in when this one happens.

Last, but Certainly Not Least: Action

The best way to counter hate and lack of acceptance is to ensure that your own circle isn't feeling them.  Reach out to friends and into the community.  Being a part of the community has always been a big part of my life.  It brings a balance and perspective that may not otherwise be experienced.  For the past number of years, I've volunteered with an organization called Back on My Feet, and currently sit on the Advisory Board.  It's safe to say that I've remained involved since my orientation in 2009, however it's now clear to me that I need to take steps to get even closer again.  I need to dive back into the hope that comes from being a part of community change.  

If you're still finding your way through this despondency, try to look around for the places where you can impact the change that we were hoping for.  Can you be a safe place for a friend, or a group of friends?  Can you give to your community in a way that helps to become a better place?  Can you be a voice for those who are still trying to find their voice?A hangover feels different for us all, but the effects will fade with time and you'll be back in fighting shape.  Change is on the horizon; we'll just need to find an amended path there.

My First Time

No no, not that.  Come on now, it's Election Day!

I stand before you admitting that today was my first vote.  I know what you're thinking:  "It's your civic duty" and "Our ancestors fought long and hard for the right to vote".  Look, I've heard them all but until this year, I was confident that our country could manage through whatever decision may result.  I'm not political by nature and and without a strong opinion, it wasn't something that I prioritized.  

This year is certainly different.  

Some may say that it's because I've had a child and I'm thinking more about the future now - his future - but I don't think that's the driver.  As it stands, I often believe that my toddler more closely aligns with Trump in his joy of tantrums and mutual need for an super hold hairspray.  

Others may assume that I'm simply trying to be a part of history by voting for the first woman to be nominated by a major party.  While this historic moment is amazing (AH-MAZ-ING!!), it would never be the sole motivator to head out to the polls.  

I voted today because I'm ready to be part of the conversation, part of the solution.  We're a society that has literally divided over views, opinions, judgment and choice.  Not only is it my choice to vote, but it's my choice to select a candidate that is right for me and my future. For the past number of months, this society has torn each other down for making that choice as it may not align with those around them.  The hate filled speech and the unwillingness to HEAR each other has become the norm, and when the norm is unacceptable you fight for change.  

At the end of the day, my choice to vote for Hillary Clinton is a confident decision that the conversation remains open to all voices, regardless of race, gender, age or socio-economic status.  It's going to be a long road, folks, as change doesn't happen overnight, but I can hope that tonight's results show that we're on the right path.  Until that time, take care to understand your fellow Americans and the fears that drive their decisions, speak WITH them rather than AT them and make this country what everyone wants it to be.  You may not be feeling that it's a great place to be, but if you look around with open minds, it's a pretty great opportunity.  

So if you haven't yet, make your way to the polls and vote for what's important to you.  Whether it's your first step into the booth or you're an old pro, not only find your way there but find yourself open to those your meet along the way.  

Wow, I'm Out of Touch

Thankfully, not with reality.  Well, at least most of the time.

To look back at my blog, I posted my last entry nearly nineteen months ago.  At that time I was closing in on the final month of my pregnancy with my little Peanut.  The fear was in full effect that I was about to become a mom, step away from my job for almost four months for maternity leave when I had barely taken a week of vacation at any one time in my career, and the unsolicited advice of "your life as you know it is over" was rolling in faster than the fog in Northern Ireland.  I wasn't quite sure at that time what change looked like.  Were we going to be so sleepless and exhausted that the baby would be walking before I got my arms around life?  Would the little guy be so unmanageable that I wouldn't leave the house any longer?  Or could change reflect brilliant, positive steps in a life forward with my new plus one family?  

I quickly learned a few things about my new life:

• Sleepless comes in waves but it doesn't feel so bad when you forget about the clock and get lost in that little baby face that wakes up hangry
• Bottles are like Gremlins and multiply in water
• A baby fever is counter-intuitive.  When your baby fever reaches 100'...101'...102', don't fret.  Worry over 102', and up to 105'.  Crazy, but true
• Wearing a shirt covered in spit-up phases you less and less as the days go by
• Blow Out no longer refers to going to the hair stylist or turning a year older
• You don't really realize how much your life has changed until you have enough time behind you to reflect

Looking back, the worries of a new parent are abundant and while they are never irrational, they are often stresses that a new parent just doesn't need. My son was the last to crawl and one of the last in his class to start walking.  A good friend and experienced parent said to me (paraphrased because I'm a tired parent...), "It's not like he'll be in college and still not walking.  It will happen when it will happen".  She couldn't have been more right.  Babies develop at their own pace and the best we can do is encourage, assist and most importantly, not own that process for our children.  

This past weekend, my husband and I took the Peanut out to the Wissahickon trails for a run during one of the last nice weekends we are going to see before winter.  As we closed out our run, a memory of doing a very similar run as the little guy neared six months old jogged my mind.  I smiled thinking of how much has changed since that day.  That day I feared that we'd never find a regular rhythm in our lives, running or otherwise, again.  On this Sunday, I smiled as we popped the stroller out of the trunk, played in the leaves, traveled with nearly 1/3 of the things that we considered 'must haves' nearly a year ago and enjoyed a few hours of exposing our son to one of the things that his dad and I love - running.  I can only hope that we can continue to foster his loves and his passions as he continues to grow.  And while parenting will never be easy, it does get more normal.  If you're currently feeling the panic of losing yourself, your mind or your passions, just hang on.  It does come back, but luckily it comes back with more purpose and the ability to share it with those you love.

Wissahickon Run 2015

Wissahickon Run 2016