Success Stories

It's odd how major themes can suddenly show up in multiples places in life all around the same time.  This past week has focused around success. What is success?  Who defines it?  Can success be different for different people?  

Last week I attended my monthly Women @Thomson Reuters Steering Committee meeting in order to discuss our 2014 objectives. The meeting started off by talking about whether the group has been successful in achieving its mission, which intends to support and encourage the success of female colleagues. It's easy to think that success is defined by promotions, increased financial gain or more exposure on larger projects. However, I have to believe that success is defined within each individual. There are excellent employees who aren't jockeying for that next promotion. There are employees who strive to be better at what they are currently doing.  There are employees who think that personal growth doesn't result from breaking down the glass ceiling. Success is a very personal feeling. It varies from person to person, even from day to day. Even a third party can build you up and break you down when it relates to how one views success. 

The day after the definition of success was fresh in my mind, Joe and I packed our bags to head to Lake Placid for his Ironman. He'd trained for 28 weeks and the time was finally here. The 6.5 hour drive brought anxiety and excitement. We talked about seeing family, seeing friends and enjoying some time away from work. What we didn't discuss was the possibility of not completing the 140.6 mile race that has consumed so much of Joe's energy and so much of our relationship. I'm sure experts would tell you that preparing yourself for the chance that you can't finish is accepting defeat before you start, but I can tell you as I live and breathe that I would have been much better off had I been prepared. The swim was kick ass and the bike was everything we expected of 112 miles in the saddle. Joe was on point and feeling strong...until he wasn't. At mile 16 of the run, things slipped beyond his control and the right decision was made to pull off the course and out of competition. Words can't describe the range of emotions that both Joe and I have felt since that day. I cant claim to know what's in his head but I know what I've seen him experience. The devastation. The disappointment. The let down, and the pain of thinking that you've let everyone down. The anger. The regret. With 10 miles to go, should something have been different?  Personally, I wonder if I could have done more to help him. If I could have just been at the right spot on the course when he needed someone most. I'm devastated for him. I feel the same range of emotions that anyone feels when someone that they deeply care for is hurting inside. However Joe's and my thought processes differ at one point along the emotional train, and that point is when defining success. To me the 28 dedicated, determined weeks of exhilarating training were the measure of success. To Joe, crossing the finish line with Mike Reilly deeming you an Ironman is the only route to success. While my heart breaks for his disappointment, it beams with pride when I think about the determination it took to get to the start line. Just being able to show up at an event of that nature and know that you can compete on 140 miles of grueling activity is the epitome of success for me.

As I mentioned before, success is so personal. What others see as obvious success can feel like complete failure to someone else. We needn't be so hard on ourselves all of the time. Relish in your successes, big and small. And if you can't see a clear success in your day, look harder. They are out there just waiting to be celebrated. For women in the workplace, we need to acknowledge those successes more and get others to recognize them as well. For those endurance athletes out there that feel like the only success comes with someone else telling you that you're a winner, I boldly disagree. The courage to try, train, work, commit, dedicate yourself and show up on race day with all of the desire in the world makes you a clear success. Maybe if we could just see ourselves like others see us, success wouldn't be so hard to find. 

Summer Fun

Ah summertime. The sun is out, people are heading to the beach and All-Star break has just finished so America is fixated on the second half of the Major League Baseball season. It's a perfect life for most. As for us, we're apartment hunting. 

As I've mentions previously, we are only summering in the Hamptons, which means that the beginning of July brought on apartment searching. It's fun...for about a minute. In theory it is fun to look at homes around the city to see how people have renovated or decorated. However in process it's much less appealing. It's hot. They are sticky and muggy. You like some, you hate some, most you don't see yourself living in. Joe and I looked at four apartments in a week. We were scheduled to see five, but stood outside of the fifth for 25 minutes in the 100' heat with another prospective tenant while the landlord never showed. One less to worry about, I suppose. More time to address the dehydration that settled in while I was waiting. 

In the spirit of apartment hunting, I've developed a top ten list of do's and dont's when seeking your new home:

1. Do use Zillow.com. It's easy to use, has great mapping features and shows everything for rent in one area on one screen. 

2. Don't even consider a third floor walk up that doesn't have central air. It may be "great in the winter since heat rises" but on these 90' summer days, every room feels like you're standing in the shower. 

3. Do consider your potential Landlord's reading material and discussion topics upon first meeting. There is nothing wrong with reading Christian Science Monitor, however it may not be the chosen reading material when your prospective tenants arrive. This followed by a quick Republican jab about Global Warming makes us unlikely to engage in further discussions. We may not disagree with your views, but don't need to talk religion and politics with a near stranger who would have a key to our home. 

4. Don't try to talk yourself into an area because the rent is reasonable. The rent is reasonable for a reason.  

5. Do make sure to inquire about utilities costs on top of the rent. Paying for water in a multi-unit building could result in you paying for your neighbors gardening hobby. 

6. Don't think that an unresponsive landlord is going to change. If it takes him/her multiple days to reply to your inquiry about the available apartment, nothing is going to change about their responsiveness once you move in. The toilet will be long overflowed by then. 

7. Do evaluate your access to a stash of quarters. Can you see yourself walking to the laundromat every week for hours?  Despite a beautiful apartment, not having a washer and dryer at our disposal (without having to dig up enough quarters to wash and dry) was a deal breaker on our end. 

8. Don't be blinded by the "Beautiful Victorian style spiral staircase". It's metal, it's narrow, it's taking up almost all of the useable space in your living room AND there is no question that you'll fall down it. Period.  

9. Do ask about previous pets. Then take that answer and consider your allergies. Cat hair never really goes away. Nor do your allergies. And take it from me, a perpetual stuffy nose is not hot. 

10. Don't see apartments in the middle of the day when the crazy neighbors are at work. Before you know, you're moved into an apartment with rice paper for walls and the couple to your left is amidst a divorce - she throws dishes and he brings his new(est) girlfriend into the spare room. 

We were lucky to find an apartment in our desired area in a short amount of time. The landlord appears to be attentive and reasonable. I may eat my words on that one, but for now I'm simply going to enjoy the end of the apartment hunting process. Cheers to city living, and happy hunting!

Oh, Hello Officer

The day started off so promising.  Joe was up by 4AM and out the door for his century ride by 5AM.  He left me sleeping peacefully, and I had my own big plans for the day.  I'll rest just a bit more, get up early to conquer my long run on Forbidden Drive before the heat starts climbing into the 90's.  

Fail.

All. Around. Fail.

First of all, that "rest a bit more" turned into sleeping until 8:45AM.  So much for getting up early to beat the heat.  No biggie.  I'll get a swim workout today, and try this whole scenario again tomorrow.  First, a little email and Facebook catch up...

Before I can continue, I must go back a few weeks to set the stage.  I got my first iPhone 4 in 2011.  As I was approaching my 2 year upgrade date, my phone started acting up, deleting my contacts almost weekly.  Can you imagine how long it takes to go through each and every text message to add friends and family back into your phone?  Let's just say, a long time.  So I head into the Verizon store to seek their advice. Long story short, they advise me to send it back to Verizon and they would ship me a new one for free. I wasn't quite to my upgrade date and the rumor mill has been buzzing about the new iPhone 6 in a few short months. Done. 

Fast forward a few weeks and Verizon calls me to tell me that the damage to my phone was not mechanical and therefore they are charging me $299 for the iPhone 4S that was sent to me. I call customer service who directs me to go into the store. I'm in Verizon for almost 2 hours before the helpful sales guy (mind you, NOT the same guy as take 1) gets them to agree to take the phone back which leaves me needing to upgrade or not have a phone. Fine. I leave with a lot less money and an iPhone 5. If I had wanted to spent $200 on a phone, I wouldn't have agreed to the whole swap and exchange the first time. Alas, the directions were simple "go online and print a return shipping label to send back your old phone". Keep in mind that I specifically asked about my bill as this charge had been sitting there for a few weeks at this point and i had not intention of paying it. "No, no, no. At least 90 days before that". Good, good. A few days pass because naturally my life doesn't revolve around Verizon. 

...and that brings us back to Saturday. 

So, I reach for my phone to check my email. Low and behold, no service. Damn you Verizon!!!  It takes a few calls to find out that they need to snail mail a return address label. Seven to ten days?!  What year is this? Anywho, the service interruption was a mistake, it's all back in place and my return address label is on its way. One thing down. 

Make the bed, tidy up the bedroom, head downstairs.....

OH GOD!  WHAT IS THAT SOUND??  Joe had set the home alarm system when he left and forgot to bypass the sensor. Oh god. Make it stop. I race upstairs for my phone as I have NO idea how to turn it off. Four consecutive calls to Joe go unanswered. One call to Heather meets voicemail. All the while this thing is piercing my eardrums. It sounds like a fire engine is in my living room. I quickly grab the manual and am furiously flipping through pages to find the answer. Eventually I get the dumb thing silenced. It went on long enough, however, that I'm pretty sure Philly PD is going to show up shortly. I wait a bit, avoiding hopping in the shower for fear I'd get out to a sight if policemen putting an axe through my front door. So, I decide to try on my bikinis to see which one to wear for my afternoon pool trip (part 2 - the non-fitness edition). Juuuuust about the time I pull on the bottoms, there it is. The knock at my front door. While I'm in a bikini. Of course I can't find anything to put on as a coverup as I race downstairs to greet the officer on my stoop. In a bikini. At 10:30AM. In a home that was just alerting the entire neighborhood that someone tripped the alarm in the house. We share a few pleasantries, I apologize for being an idiot and he asks for my ID. I quickly produce my license that still reflects my previous address. He quickly scans and says, "Well, the address doesn't match but it looks like you're pretty comfortable here unless you've broken in and put on someone's bathing suit". Fabulous. Now I look and FEEL like an idiot. At least he's on his way and I'm on mine. 

(Note: Little did I know that I was going to see him the next day at the gas station. Luckily he didn't recognize me fully dressed)

My heart is still racing when I finally get a call from Joe. He's definitely frustrated, though I come to find out that it wasn't over my antics with the alarm. (And by antics I mean that it's his fault, not mine!!). Joe sliced his tire about 40 miles into his ride and had to hitchhike to a bike shop to get new tubes and tires. Bad day all around. Thank you to the kind man who picked him up and drove him there safely. 

Finally Heather and I were off to the pool. A swim and then lunch in Manayunk and a search for a local pool to hang for the afternoon. Did you know that there are 70 public pools in Philadelphia??  We ended up skipping the public pool and relaxing on Kelly Drive for a bit. The day ended much better than it started. My cell phobe is in working order, Joe's tires are fixed, my heart is beating normally again and I've learned how to silence the alarm. Oh, and we went to the movies to see The Heat. If you haven't checked out this blockbuster, you MUST go!! Definitely the comedy of the summer!!  

...With a Side of Crazy

Most times life flows along without too much thought.  I assume that things are true because I have no reason to believe otherwise.  I assume that people are good because I have not seen them do anything to change that thinking.  I believe in the positive, in love, in kind hearts and in honest people because that's what makes the most sense for me.  However you can't always stop the mind for doing it's own thing.  Its so easy to find the bad or to assume the worst, and while it's not the best trajectory to allow your brain to follow, at times it's unstoppable.  I so affectionately refer to this as "The Crazy".  

Last week, I ordered a small side of The Crazy for a few consecutive days.  I'd like to think that I'm not the only one that ever experiences this.  Likely there are ladies out there who have similar insecure moments that lead to a landslide of The Crazy.  For those of you who have the luxury of not experiencing this, let me try to explain.  The Crazy begins when you hear something/see something/read something that makes you question everything that you believe to be true around facet of life.  For me, it was relationship.  Over the past ten months, I have not questioned it's stability for a moment.  However once I bought my ticket on the Crazy Train, everything started to crumble.  I'll spare you the details around where The Crazy began, but what started as brief self doubt quickly snowballed into a full scale panic of whether I was in a relationship in which I was only perceiving to be perfect.  "How could I be so naive?  How did I not see this? And SHIT I just moved everything I own into this place.  What an idiot."  It's so easy to let irrational thought process take over.  No one wants to be deceived; no one wants to be lied to. 

I've had some crappy relationships, and with their departure came the promise to never forget what happened and to always follow my gut.  It's a conscious decision every day to not make the current and the future pay for the past.  Here I was standing face to face with the reality that I'd been deceived in the past and I'm now projecting this on the current (and the future, assuming I can keep The Crazy at bay long enough...)  I'd already lost a night of sleep over this and it was time to gently broach the conversation.  As the words came out of my mouth, I could hear how crazy it sounded.  I could have been standing on the roof of my lovely Hamptons estate screaming "I'M TERRIFIED THAT YOU'LL LEAVE ME", and I wouldn't have sounded any less nuts.  Every few minutes I'd try to tell myself to shut up.  "You sound bonkers.  Off the deep end.  Over the edge."  However, the words flowed like verbal vomit.  My insecurities poured out like the massive leak in our kitchen.  And when there was nothing left to say, he was still sitting there.  He hadn't run or fought me or affirmed The Crazy [out loud].  And exactly one week later, he's still sitting there, right next to me.

Is Joe perfect?  No.  Does he do things that I don't understand that make me self conscious?  At times.  Is it intentional?  No.  I can say this with the most certainty that a girl crazy in love can find.  And while I can't guarantee that my sanity will remain intact all the time, what I know is the best relationships bring you back from the deep end stronger than ever.  The morning after 'Grossly Insecure Thursday', I went for a run.  I was by myself, it was hot and I was far from hydrated, but I needed to time spent with my sneakers.  It didn't clear out the questions or the reasons that I had gotten to that place, but it did remind me that I'm still me.  And the only way that I know how to be me is to love with all that I have.  People are going to do what they are going to do, and if you're lucky they'll do all the things that make you feel great.  But even if they don't, believe that the decisions that you've made to look for the positive in those around you will strengthen the most important love - the one with yourself.