First Time Mom or First Time Mistake?

Some nights the Peanut puts himself to bed.  On the really good nights, he picks up his blanket and his gaggle of stuffed animals and heads into his bedroom.  Other nights, he falls asleep during story time and can peacefully be transferred to his crib.  And then there are nights where we've reached the witching hour and his father and I need to take him to bed, semi-against his will.  

This past Sunday, we found ourselves counting down for him "10 more minutes until bedtime"...."5 more minutes until bedtime"....as if I thought that made a difference to him...  Alas, I scooped him up, fully against his will, stood next to his crib and sang him two rounds of lullabies.  He peacefully drifted to sleep on my shoulder to the last few stanzas of 'Hush Little Baby', but just as I smiled to myself at his sweet, sleeping face and tried to place him into the crib he awoke desperately crying for Mama.  I attempted to soothe him with his pacifier and his blankie, his stuffed dogs....the big one and the little one, and with a little more out-of-tune humming.  Nothing; the tears flowed on.  This wasn't his whiny, sleepy, "I just don't want to go to bed" cry.  It was a full on, clear desperation, tears included crying.  I continued to rub his back as he stood at the edge of the crib gripping a piece of my shirt.  Now, like most moms and dads, I try to stick to a schedule.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, naps, bedtime, etc - all on a schedule.  So, you can imagine the thoughts running through my head as I looked down at my little guy, who had pulled his blankie up as a makeshift pillow on the edge of the crib so that he may continue to be close to me.  

"If i pick him up, he'll make a habit of this"

"I can't disrupt the routine"

"He'll settle down if I'm quiet"

But as I looked down at my little guy again, the tears nearly dropped on his head.  My tears.  He was looking to be soothed by his Mama and I was caught up in schedules and regiment.  So with a deep breath, I scooped up my Peanut and found a dark, quiet place for us on the sofa next to his dad.  He was nearly instantly asleep in my arms, just needing a bit of Mama's love to soothe whatever was between Dreamland and him.  I held him for 30 minutes before placing him down in his crib peacefully, nearly 90 minutes past bedtime to sleep like a baby for the rest of the night.  

The moral of the story is that schedules don't replace our children's needs.  We can't schedule time for baths and time for stories and time for bed and assume that it will always go to plan.  Shoot, I can't remember a day in my own life that went exactly to plan.  However, as a first time mom, it's so hard to know what the right decision is and whether it is the right decision in that exact situation.  So while I questioned whether taking my son out of bed for a little more time was a mistake, what I know for sure is that his happiness is my utmost priority.  And NOW I know that sometimes you break your own rules to make that happen.